Perfect Moment
by Laura1
Summary: Buffy is confused by strange, vivid dreams. Gratuitous B/A fluff.


_Disclaimer ~ _All hail Joss, the mighty and the magnificent. Kudos also to Martine McCutcheon whose song lyrics I have stolen. 

_Timeline ~ _Set post the end of BtVS series four and AtS series one.

_A/N ~ _I just fancied a detour into total fluff and B/A shippery. Any angst is nothing to do with me, but purely the fault of whoever wrote IWRY. This is completely unrelated to my series, but if you're waiting for the next part of that, it's coming, I promise. I know the ideas in this fic have been done to death already, but perhaps that's because they're good ones. JHappy reading!

**This is my moment. This is my perfect moment with you.**

**This is what God meant; this is my perfect moment with you.**

**I wish I could feel this space and time, the way that I feel for you inside.**

**This is my moment. This is my perfect moment with you.**

** **

_I stood on the pier gazing out to sea, feeling the faint breeze gently ruffle my hair. I took in several deep breaths of the fresh salt air. Somehow I didn't know what I was doing here or what I should do next. I felt lost, confused. Below me happy couples walked hand in hand on the beach. I wished so desperately that I was down there with them, instead of here, alone._

_ _

_Then my breath caught in my throat. Butterflies danced in my stomach and my heart began to pound in my chest. I could feel _his _eyes watching me. I turned, knowing exactly what to expect, but equally as sure it wasn't possible. Whether possible or not it was happening. _He _was there, walking slowly and deliberately towards me, his chiselled features starkly defined in the bright sunlight. My love. My Angel. _

_ _

_Then before I was even fully aware of what was happening we were in each other's arms. Our eyes met, his magnetising gaze drawing me into his soul. No words were spoken, because none were needed. There were no questions either and no doubts. We were here and we were together, beyond that everything else was irrelevant. _

_ _

_Our lips joined in a passionate kiss and I revelled in sensations thought lost to me forever. His hands seemed to burn my skin where they touched me and the heat emanating from our kiss suffused my whole body. Tears began to prick at my eyes. Tears of joy, of relief and of love lost and found. My head spun with emotions I'd tried to suppress for so long and could now finally let myself feel. Could I even imagine a moment more perfect than this?_

_ _

~~~

I awoke suddenly, emitting a small moan of protest as the images from the dream faded away from me. I wanted to keep them with me forever and cherish them in that special part of my heart that would forever belong to Angel. I knew it was only a dream, that none of it had ever happened, but it felt so real. I could feel the sea breeze on my face and smell the scent of Angel's cologne as he leant down to kiss me. 

Maybe it was a shared dream, I thought hopefully. The dreams Angel and I had shared always seemed more vivid than just average REM visions. But those dreams had always been lucid - I had known I was asleep and wondering about Angel's mind. Tonight I had felt as though I was actually there on the pier having that experience, rather than being in a dream world.

Another shaft of hope filtered through my thoughts. What if it was a prophetic dream? Those shared the same kind of intensity that I had just felt. But the hope soon died again. My prophetic dreams were generally related to dangerous evils and my duties as a slayer. This dream was just a private fantasy of mine, nothing more. To consider it anything more would just be wishful thinking on my part. 

I sighed and shifted in bed, suddenly unable to get comfortable. Why should I want the dream to mean something special, anyway? I'd moved on from Angel. That part of my life was over. I was with someone new now. I had what I'd always wanted, a normal guy who loved and accepted me for who and what I was. I shouldn't be having romantic dreams about my ex. I cursed my subconscious for bringing back not just all the painful memories but the loving, passionate ones as well. 

I closed my eyes tightly, picturing Angel's face from my dream and imagining his arms around me again. If I was so over him, then why did he still make me feel this way? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, when are you going to tell her?"

"Tell whom what?" Angel asked casually, although he knew exactly what Cordelia was referring to and didn't feel the least bit casual about it.

"Tell _Buffy_ about the Oracles anchoring your soul." Cordelia sighed exasperatedly. "You remember Buffy, right? Short, blonde hair, kills demons, grants you perfect happiness?" 

"Yes, Cordelia," Angel replied patiently. "I do vaguely recall Buffy."

"And I'm guessing mythical beings from an alternate plane of reality fixing that massively irritating clause in your curse is something that's gotta stick in your mind, so," she paused for breath. "Stop pretending this isn't a big deal and go claim your lady love."

Angel looked up from the book he was reading with pain filled eyes. "She isn't my lady love anymore. She's found someone else and she's happy with him. It wouldn't be right for me just to show up in Sunnydale and upset things between them. Buffy's moved on and whether or not I can lose my soul just isn't an issue now."

"She'll want to know, anyway." Cordy added more softly.

Angel nodded briefly at this, Buffy would be furious if she knew he'd been keeping more secrets from her. That he was yet again making decisions for the both of them. But, he reminded himself, all the decisions he had made so far had been to stop Buffy getting hurt again. And if he could prevent that from happening again then he would keep all the secrets in the world. "I realise that Cordelia," he replied. "But this really doesn't change much. I'm still a vampire and that means I still can't give her the normal life she deserves. It's better this way, it really is." He tried to make his words hold a conviction that he didn't really feel. 

"OK," Cordelia acknowledged defeat. "If that's how you feel then fine. Just don't mope about it or you'll have to find somewhere else to live. I am not sharing an apartment with a Mr Broodypants." Satisfied she had had the last word on the matter Cordy spun round on her high heels and breezed out of the room. 

Angel sat back and wondered if he really was making the right decision not to tell Buffy. He'd recited all the standard excuses he had for not being with Buffy to Cordelia, but the truth was he had much more personal reasons for keeping this latest development from her. When he'd visited the Oracles to determine the authenticity of the prophecy Wesley had translated – the one that predicted his _Shanshu _– they had confirmed that he was on the path to regaining his humanity and as a first reward they would anchor his soul. His immediate thought was of Buffy, they could be together finally. No more curse, no more 'limits' to their relationship. Then the doubts had begun to settle in.

What if Buffy didn't want him anymore? He'd pushed her away and she'd found someone else to love. She'd told him as much last time she was in LA. He didn't think he'd be able to stand it if he went to Buffy, put his heart on the line and she rejected him. And he still felt inadequate in comparison to any normal guy Buffy might date. He was a vampire, he couldn't go out in the sunlight, or have children, he wasn't even accepted by Buffy's friends and family. And just because his demon could never be released again didn't mean it still wasn't there. He still felt the bloodlust, and guilt still haunted him. 

Besides, he couldn't just go to Buffy and announce that his soul was now permanent, not considering what it meant between them. It would be like he expected something from her. It would be tantamount to a proposition and that was the last thing Angel wanted to imply he was doing. After all he had done to hurt Buffy he couldn't expect anything from her let alone _that_. He sighed heavily, there really was no other option - he would just have to keep this from Buffy, as much as it killed him to do so.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Tell me you love me, when you leave.**

**You're more than a shadow; that's what I believe.**

**You take me to places I never thought I'd see.**

**Minute by minute you're the world to me.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I dreamed of Angel again last night. I wish I could say the dream was as pleasant as the one before, but it wasn't. The images weren't as clear this time, however, they did seem to get more vivid the stronger the emotions I was feeling in the dream were. I was in Angel's office, like I remember from Thanksgiving. Then the Morah demon smashed through the glass of the window and there was a blur of fighting. Panic gripped my heart and I caught a sharp vision of the Morah attacking Angel. He stabbed it with its own sword and the next thing I knew we were on the floor together, my body pressing against his.

The next thing I remember from my dream was walking in the sewers and a general feeling of pain and heartbreak. If I struggled hard I could just about recall Angel speaking in strangled voice. 

_"Now you're here, and I can actually reach right out and…"_

The more I concentrated the more the haze surrounding the memories from the dream cleared.

_"We'd just end up having to leave each other again." I forced myself to speak the words and they echoed off the walls of the sewer, cutting through the tense atmosphere like a knife. _

_ _

_"It's better all round if we just split up."_

Then the location changed I was in some sort of factory. I couldn't see Angel but I knew he was there and that he was in trouble. And then I saw the Morah demon again and launched myself towards it. The rest of dream was another fight scene which I saw flashes of. The Morah held me in stranglehold against the wall. Angel lay on the floor in pain. I smashed the jewel in the Morah's forehead and it died in an explosion of red light. 

_I rushed over to where Angel was lying on the ground and cradled his head in my lap. "Buffy, are you…?" he managed to gasp out. "Shush," I soothed him. "It's alright. You're OK. That's all that matters. It's over and you're OK and we're together."_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cordelia took a long sip of her cappuccino. She'd spent the whole afternoon shopping and that usually put her in a good mood, but today it wasn't working. Angel's bad mood was obviously wearing off on her. She had threatened he would have to find somewhere else to live if he didn't snap out of this funk, but she just couldn't bring herself to throw him out on the street. What was wrong with him? He should be happy now that he could finally…be happy. It was just a shame that it had come too late for him and Buffy, or so Angel thought. Cordy had other ideas - that was why she had summoned Wesley to come and discuss their plan of action over coffee. 

"We have to do something about this," she stated bluntly. "Angel is just being stupid."

"I really don't know what we can do." Wesley replied. "If Angel doesn't want to tell Buffy about the latest development with his curse then there's no way we can talk him into it."

Cordelia shot him a look of sheer contempt. "Angel is refusing to tell Buffy himself, but there's no way to stop the information reaching her through other channels, is there?"

"Are you suggesting that we break a confidence and tell Buffy behind Angel's back?" The Englishman sounded appalled at the suggestion.

"Well, duh," was all Cordy had to say in reply.

"Cordelia, I really think this is none of our business."

"Too right it's our business!" She shot back at him. "You know his brooding isn't good for business. And may I remind you that if Angel doesn't work then we don't get paid. Angel may be able to survive on blood alone, but I need new shoes!"

"You'll get paid even less if Angel fires you for going expressly against his wishes." Wesley pointed out. 

Cordy thought this over for a moment. Angel wasn't usually the type to lose his temper over such little things, but where Buffy was concerned he was notoriously unpredictable.

"Just give me a few days," she declared. "I'll think of something."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Riley had been sweet tonight. He cooked me dinner and we ate it by candlelight. I tried to smile through the meal even though everything was burnt and tasted horrible. He kept apologising for it over and over again, until I got so annoyed with his constant whining that I snapped at him. Then I just felt horribly guilty, after all he'd gone to so much trouble and it was the gesture that counted above everything else, right?

Instead of arguing back at me he just got a hurt look on his face and starting quietly clearing away the dinner plates. Seeing his puppy dog expression just made me feel even worse. It wasn't his fault I was feeling wound up at the moment. It was those damn dreams - I was having them every night now. They were mainly the same scenes played over and over again, each time coming back in increasing detail. For example, I could now recite back verbatim the conversation from the sewer. 

Last night had been different though. Last night I had dreamt of Angel and me in bed together. Well, actually not just in bed but on his kitchen table too, I remembered blushing. I woke up still feeling tingling down my neck where he had planted his hot kisses and aching for the solid presence of his body wrapped around mine. It was no wonder I was off kilter when I had been having erotic fantasies about my ex that there was no way my current could live up to. 

It wasn't that he didn't try hard enough; in fact maybe he tried a little too hard. It just didn't feel natural between us; proceedings were always tinged with awkwardness. Riley was always so desperate to please and I couldn't bear to hurt his feelings. Tonight, for example, I made myself go and apologise for losing my temper with him. I pouted and kissed him gently on the lips and that was enough to bring back that goofy grin of his as he suggested we take dessert into the bedroom. 

It turned out that dessert was strawberries and ice cream. Vanilla, disappointingly enough, which had never been my favourite flavour – it was far too bland and boring. But if Riley liked it then I was happy to go along with things. He dipped the spoon in the ice cream tub and brought it back up to my mouth. I took a taste of the ice cream, having an uncomfortable flashback to my dream. Why was it that I was imagining another man with me like this?

When the ice cream melted and dripped off the spoon onto Riley's bare chest the most I could bring myself to do was wipe it off with a cloth. I suggested that we forget the food for now; the associations that came with it were just too painful. Riley nodded happily and trotted off to put the ice cream back in the freezer before returning to bed. So much for the spontaneity and passion of the moment.

Afterwards I lay back in his arms listening to his heartbeat. It was then the images began to intrude unbidden. It hadn't happened while I was awake before and the experience was rather disturbing. Especially considering the arms I felt around me were not the same arms from my vision.

"It's a good sound. Thump, thump. Thump, thump." I felt the force of Angel's heartbeat reverberate though my body.

_ _

_"It feels pretty amazing." His voice filled with wonder and I could tell he was smiling without even having to look at his face. I ran my fingers lightly over his chest._

_ _

_"I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves out of this. We'll make it work, right?" I lay perfectly still waiting for his answer. Our relationship was still so fraught with uncertainty that I couldn't help feeling a little insecure about it, despite all that had just happened._

_ _

"We will." He answered without hesitation.

I pulled out of Riley's embrace, suddenly feeling how wrong it was. He twisted round to look at me, first concern over my welfare then hurt I had rejected him crossing his features. I climbed out of bed hurriedly, making some excuse about needing the bathroom, which he seemed to accept without hesitation. In the bathroom I stared at my dishevelled reflection in the mirror, trying to will the images to go away, instead they just kept on coming. 

# I snuggled closer into his chest. "I still want to…"

_ _

_"What? You couldn't possibly." His voice was teasing. "Not that I wouldn't want to…"_

_ _

_"No," I smiled. "I'm spent. Pleasantly numb, even. You?"_

_ _

_His voice was light and filled with the promise of things to come. "For now."_

_ _

_"No, I still want to stay awake, so this day can keep happening." I was afraid that if I slept now I would wake up and find it had all been a dream._

_ _

_"Sleep." Angel kissed my forehead lightly. "We'll make another one like it tomorrow."_

_ _

_I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting into slumber before I remembered one last thing I wanted to say. "Angel?" He tightened his hold on me ever so slightly. "This is the first time I've ever really felt this way."_

_ _

_"What way?" _

_ _

_"Just how I've always wanted to feel. Like a normal girl falling asleep in the arms if her normal boyfriend. It's perfect."_

_ _

My thoughts turned to Riley. What was the matter with me? He was my normal boyfriend and I should be feeling perfect in his arms. There was no use daydreaming about Angel being human because it wasn't even possible. I splashed water on my face, hoping that the shock of its coldness would help clear my head. I was not going to let these visions, or dreams, or fantasies, or whatever they were, ruin my life. I was probably just feeling guilty over moving on from Angel that was all. A part of me would always feel I belonged to him. But he had left me, he had told me to find someone new, someone _normal_. And that's what I was doing. That's what everyone said I should be doing, so that's what I was going to keep on doing. After all, I had to give normal a chance before I totally dismissed it, right?

Soon these visions of Angel would recede then all I would be left with was painful memories and Riley. I couldn't risk losing a perfectly nice guy over a few dreams. I dried off my face and went back to bed, smiling at Riley as I did so. I couldn't bring myself to climb back into his arms, however, but instead lay firmly on my side of the bed and tried to feign sleep. 

~~~

**I wish I could feel the look in your eyes, the way that I feel for you inside.**

**This is my moment. This is my perfect moment, with you.**

** **

~~~

_Angel walked in down the stairs a pained expression on his face. The sight of it struck fear into my heart. This was our happy day; he shouldn't be looking like that. We'd killed the demon, so everything was good. Or at least it was supposed to be._

_ _

_"I'm guessing that expression isn't because they were all out of fresh OJ at the deli." I tried to conceal the worry I felt with a joke, but it didn't work. "What happened?"_

_ _

_"Nothing happened, I just…"_

_ _

_"Where have you been?" I demanded, not even bothering to hide my concern any longer._

_ _

_He hesitated. "I went to see the oracles. I asked them to change me back."_

_ _

_I backed away from him. How could he do this to me? To us? How could he take away our one chance of happiness? "What! Why?" I managed to stutter out._

_ _

_He looked at me with a pained expression. "Because more than ever I know how much I love you."_

_ _

_What kind of an explanation was that? If he truly loved me he'd want for us to be together wouldn't he? "No. No, you didn't…" My voice shook and I was close to tears. He walked towards me and I hadn't the will to resist him. I just wanted him to hold me and say that it was all a mistake, a misunderstanding, that the Oracles had said no - anything to erase the horrible reality of the situation._

_ _

_"And if I stayed mortal one of us would wind up dead, maybe both of us. You heard what the Morah said." _

_ _

_His tone of voice was serious and his argument reasoned. I couldn't understand how he could stay so level headed when I was a whirlpool of emotions. I latched on to the last thing he said in desperation. "Morah's dead. We killed him."_

_ _

_"He said others would come."_

_ _

_"They always come and they always will. But that's my problem now, not yours. Remember?"_

_ _

_He spoke with the first passion I'd heard from him since he'd returned that morning. "No. I won't let you fight and maybe die alone."_

_ _

_"Then we fight together," I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

_ _

_He looked at me with sad eyes, behind which lay 240 years of accumulated wisdom. "You saw what happened last night. If anything I'm a liability to you. You take chances to protect me and that's not only bad for you it's bad for the people we were meant to help."_

_ _

_The initial confusion was fading now to be replaced by anger. "So, what you just took a whole 24 hours to weigh up the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it's more fun being a superhero?" _

_ _

_He kept his patience like he always did when I yelled at him. "You know that's not it, Buffy." He paused. "How can we be together if the cost is your life or the lives of others." I hung my head as tears began to well in my eyes. We were standing close to one another now and I could feel the heat from his body warming mine. Heat that would soon be gone. He reached out to gently hold me, as if seeking reassurance that the decision he'd made was the right one. "I know. I couldn't tell you. I wasn't sure if I could do it if I woke up with you one more morning."_

_ _

_"I understand." I told him, although I didn't really. In my heart I'd always believed that we could overcome any obstacle, that our love was strong enough. But I knew that Angel loved me and that he had his reasons and I trusted his judgement. "So, what happens now?"_

_ _

_"The Oracles are giving us back the day, they're turning back time so I can kill Morah before his blood makes me mortal."_

_ _

_"When?" Every second I had left with him was precious._

_ _

_He looked over at the clock. "Another minute."_

_ _

_"A minute?" Tears ran down my cheeks in rivers. "No, no. It's not enough time." But it would never be enough time, not a minute, not an hour, not a year. I wanted forever. I wanted to stop time and spend eternity in his arms. But still the clock ticked. To only have a minute was just cruelly unfair. It was both the shortest and the longest sixty seconds of my life._

_ _

_"We don't have a choice." His voice choked with the same tears I was already crying. "It's done."_

_"How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had." How could anything in my life ever compare to the moments we had shared that day? _

_ _

_"You won't. No one will know but me." Angel took the burden upon himself, again. He'd done it so many times now I'd lost count._

_ _

_"But everything we did…" I spoke in a panic. Time was running out. _

_ _

_"It never happened." He said it with such finality and such pain that my heart didn't just break it shattered._

_ _

_I shook my head desperately. "But it did, it did! I know it did!" The words rushed out without any thought behind them. My brain was no longer capable of rational thought, I was working purely on emotion now and my overriding feeling was one of utter despair. "I felt your heart beat."_

_ _

_"Buffy…" Angel had no words either. Perhaps because there were none. Our lips met in a frantic, passionate kiss. It couldn't be our last, please let it not be the case._

_ _

_I turned from him to glance over at the clock. The second hand ticked persistently on, drawing ever closer to the instant I would be severed from my lover forever. "Oh, God. It's not enough time." My voice caught on my sobs and I turned back to see that Angel was crying also – real, human tears, his first in 200 years. _

_ _

_"Please, please…" He whispered into my ear, as our embrace grew tighter. We clung to each other as the final few seconds passed by._

_ _

_"I'll never forget, I'll never forget." I made those three words my mantra, as if I could force the events of the day to remain in my memory by sheer will power alone._

_ _

## "I'll never forget…"

~~~

I awoke once more with a jolt, fresh tears streaming down my face. Now I knew. The last piece of the puzzle fell into place. These weren't dreams or fantasies, but memories. And what heart wrenching memories they were too. It all came back to me now, fighting the Morah demon, Angel turning human, our perfect day together and lastly the soul-destroying pain of our goodbye. How had Angel managed to carry these memories alone? I'd only had them for a minute and already I'd lost the ability to think beyond them. 

I felt a movement stir at my side. Riley. Oh God, I couldn't face him, not now. I felt sick. How could I ever have shared a bed with him? How could I ever have brought myself to even touch anyone who wasn't Angel? Riley sat up, his bewilderment and worry evident. Whereas I would have once found this concern touching, now I just wanted to be as far away from him as possible. My memories were becoming clearer now, cementing themselves in my mind. And every second I spent with Riley seemed a betrayal of them.

He reached over to me as if to draw me into his embrace. 

"Stay away from me!" I cried, on the verge of hysterics. I leapt out of bed, taking the sheet with me to cover my nakedness. I couldn't ever let Riley see me like that again.

"Buffy, what's the matter?" He caught hold of my arm and I pulled it away from him roughly.

"Don't touch me." I told him in a low, cold tone of voice. He shrank back away from me. I'd hurt his feelings horribly, but by now I just didn't care. I didn't love Riley Finn. I never had done and if I stayed with him for the rest of my life I doubted I ever would love him. I'd known true love and what I'd had with Riley couldn't even hold a candle to it. 

"Is this another body snatching thing?" He asked angrily. 

Oh, way to add insult to injury, I thought. Riley claimed that he loved me, but how could he when he never even saw past the physical and into my soul. I gathered up my clothes and hurriedly dressed. I had no idea what I was going to do now but I knew I couldn't stay in the same room as Riley a single minute longer. I didn't even bother putting on my shoes and socks; instead I just picked them up and ran barefoot out of the room. Riley called after me but I just ignored him.

Once outside I ran blindly in any direction, as long as I was running I didn't have to think about the situation I was in, I could just push these new memories to the back of my mind. After a while the pain in my bare feet stopped me from running any further. I collapsed in a heap on the sidewalk and started to cry huge wracking sobs that shook my whole body. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow stifled a yawn. She'd been up half the night with Buffy after her friend had called in hysterics. Willow had hardly ever seen her this upset before, the only two occasions that compared were the Angelus incident and when Angel broke up with her. Thus, easy conclusion to make – something had happened with Angel. Willow had soon been proved right in her assumption when Buffy's general hysterics had formed into actual words. Something about Angel being human. Willow had rushed straight over to see Buffy, whereupon she heard the whole painful story.

Willow's heart ached for Buffy, how awful must it have been to get so close to a happy ending with Angel then have it all taken away at the last minute. Initially, she'd been sceptical that the memories were real and not just a figment of Buffy's imagination. But Buffy had been so sure and so insistent it had actually happened that Willow had no choice but to believe her. 

As soon as Buffy had calmed down and Willow had managed to persuade her to get some sleep, the Wicca went over to see Giles. She asked some general questions about Morah demons and when her research revealed that their blood did indeed have regenerative properties Willow had told Giles about Buffy's memories and asked his opinion on the probability they were real. Giles had been very intrigued about the Oracles and Angel becoming mortal, but once he'd satisfied his curiosity over the technicalities he became more worried about the emotional impact remembering all this would have on Buffy. 

Willow had been concerned too; so far Buffy had refused to go to LA to talk to Angel about this mess. She said she couldn't bear to face him now she knew what they could have had together and that he'd taken it all away. But Willow realised there was no way Buffy would be able to get on with her life until she got some closure on this issue and that meant talking to Angel. She'd already as good as thrown away her relationship with Riley (not that Willow was too bothered about that, she hadn't thought Buffy and Riley particularly well suited, anyway) and she was never going to have a chance at another relationship if she didn't sort things out with Angel right now. 

A small part of Willow also hoped that maybe these new revelations would help Buffy and Angel get back together again. Willow was a romantic at heart and Buffy and Angel had always been so much in love that they deserved to be together. Plus there was something very touching about the way Angel had given up his humanity so that he could protect Buffy. He was so sweet and chivalrous, it was like something out of one of those romance novels that Willow would be mortified if anybody ever found out she read.

Willow was just contemplating what to do about the situation when her cell phone rang. She was surprised to discover it was Cordelia calling from LA. They exchanged pleasantries before Cordelia got straight to the point.

"We have to get Angel and Buffy together to talk." 

Willow was taken aback by the request, it was exactly what she was going to suggest to Cordelia. "What's so important?" She asked. Cordy couldn't possibly know about Buffy regaining her memories, so there must be something else going on in LA.

There was a pause on the other end of the line before Cordelia answered. "I'm not supposed to tell you this but you know that pesky clause in Angel's curse? Well, it's gone. The guy is now permanently souled."

Willow grinned broadly - this was perfect! "So, no more 'grrr'?"

"He can get as happy as he likes." Cordy sounded triumphant. "Only it's making him miserable, because he won't tell Buffy. He doesn't want to interfere with her life."

"That's not going to be a problem." Willow answered, deep in thought. "But I'm not sure I'll be able to get her to go see him."

"Maybe you don't have to…" Cordelia replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with this plan." Giles looked at Willow doubtfully.

"Giles we've discussed this." The young redhead sighed. "Which would you prefer, telling a few white lies for a good cause, or having the town overrun by demons because the slayer's an emotional wreck?" 

"Yes, I understand that she needs to talk this through with him, but isn't there some other way we could arrange it without the need for such subterfuge?" 

"You know Buffy as well as I do, Giles. She can be as stubborn as hell when she wants to be and this is one of those times. Somehow she's got it into her head that she doesn't want to face Angel about this. She'd rather just sit at home and cry over how he took away her one chance of happiness."

"Well, if she doesn't want to see him then maybe we should comply with her wishes…"

"Giles!" Willow cried out exasperatedly. "We all have to do things we don't want to do sometimes, but we do them because they're good for us. This could be more beneficial to Buffy than you imagine."

Giles looked at Willow suspiciously. "There isn't something else you're not telling me, is there? Some other reason why Buffy and Angel should see one another again."

Willow donned her best innocent expression. "I have honestly told you everything I can. Buffy just needs to resolve some issues where Angel is concerned, that's all. Then she can get on with her life." She smiled sweetly at Giles. Technically she hadn't lied to him. She'd said she'd told him everything she _could._ Well there were some things she _couldn't_ tell him because they were a secret. OK, well maybe she had lied and maybe there was more to her agenda than she was letting on, but you were allowed to stretch the truth for a good cause, right?

Giles seemed to believe her, though - maybe she was better at this butter-wouldn't-melt act than she thought. "Alright," he relented. "I'll make the call to Angel."

"Thanks Giles!" She went to hug him but changed her mind at the last minute, instead playfully punching him on the arm. "You're the best retired, um…former watcher ever. You know I'd have done it myself, but it'll sound way more convincing coming from you."

Giles waved her away. "Just go away and do whatever you young people do for fun nowadays, before I change my mind."

Willow nearly skipped out of the door in her excitement. "Thanks again!" She called as she was leaving. Giles watched her go, wondering how he'd managed to let himself get talked into this. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After I'd cried all the tears I felt I had left in me I sank into a deep dreamless sleep. When I awoke I was almost disappointed I hadn't dreamt of Angel again. Despite the pain those dreams had brought upon awakening I had loved every one of them, because in them I was so close to Angel and they had felt so real. _They felt real because they were real_, I remembered. I was only just starting to come to terms with the fact that I had all these memories of a day that had not actually even happened. Once the pure grief over what I had lost with Angel had begun to dissipate slightly I was starting to discover new emotions. The first of which was anger.

He took away our one chance to be together and he did it without even consulting me. This was yet another decision he had made without me and supposedly 'for my own good'. When would he ever learn that any decision that involved us being apart could never be for my own good? We could have coped; I didn't need him to protect me. And, anyway, I would rather have had a few short months of happiness with him than a lifetime of misery without him. 

I was still mad now, but I was beginning to see some of the logic of his arguments. Angel wouldn't have been able to live with himself if I let innocents die whilst trying to protect him. He had enough to feel guilty about already. And the sentiment behind his actions was overwhelming. He actually gave up his life in order to save mine. It was a sacrifice I doubted few others would have had the strength to make. It spoke of just how much he loved me.

When the whirlpool of emotions inside of me had stilled sufficiently to allow rational thought, I remembered Riley. I must have really hurt his feelings last night running out on him like that. I would have to go and talk to him. _But to say what?_ There was no way I could let things go back to the way they were between he and I. After what I had shared with Angel I knew now that I could never be truly happy with another man. I simply didn't want anyone else. And it would be unfair to Riley to let him continue in a totally one-sided relationship. Besides, even touching Riley now seemed like a betrayal of Angel. 

So, there was my answer. I would have to go and break up with the guy. Part of me (well pretty much all of me, really) just wanted to leave things as they were and hope Riley got the message, but I knew I couldn't exactly do that. Riley was a great guy, really kind and decent, but he wasn't the exactly the sharpest tool in the box, so I was probably going to have to spell things out for him. Anyway, the prospect of an awkward conversation with Riley was nothing compared to talking through things with Angel, which was something else I should be doing right now. One step at a time, though, I'd sort things out with Riley, then I'd start thinking of excuses not to see Angel.

On the way over to Riley's I thought about what my situation with Angel was now. Whereas seeing him before had been painful, now it would just be excruciating. Now there was no way I could look him in the eye again knowing that I promised to remember everything that went on that day then promptly went and forgot it all and jumped straight into bed with the most convenient college guy. How must he have felt when I shoved my relationship with Riley down his throat, knowing that he gave up his opportunity for us to be together? What was I supposed to say to him? I hate you for taking away my happiness and my memories? Or I love you for making such a sacrifice? And how could I ever be close to him again without wanting the impossible to happen?

All too soon I reached Riley's door and I realised I hadn't even thought of what I was going to say to my current boyfriend to end things between us. 'Hi, you're dumped' seemed a little harsh, though it would be expedient. I decided to try a gentler approach to start with and leave blunt statement of fact as plan B, in case he didn't get the hint at first. I didn't get time to plan any further than this, however, as Riley opened the door without me even knocking on it.

He started in surprise. "Buffy! I was just on my way to see you."

"Well, I guess you don't have to bother now." I managed lamely. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." He stepped aside to let me past. "Can I get you anything? Coffee, juice…?"

I shook my head. "No thank you. I won't be staying long." His face fell at my comment but he said nothing, so I continued. "I wanted to apologise for last night."

He brightened slightly. "You were acting rather strangely," he ventured. "So, I'm assuming this wasn't another Faith thing, seeing as how you remember this time."

I took a deep breath and tried to avoid saying something I'd regret. The last thing I wanted was another messy break up, with lingering hurt and resentment, under my belt. "I didn't handle myself very well last night, Riley." I said slowly. "I was upset and I left without saying something I should have."

He tried to cover his confused expression with a lopsided grin, but ended up just looking like he'd recently escaped the local mental asylum. "What's that?"

"I don't think we should see each other anymore." I rushed out.

He lost the grin and gave me a look distinctly reminiscent of a puppy that had just been kicked. "Why not?" He asked.

"Because…" I stopped lost for words, how could I possibly explain any of this to Riley. "Because, it's not working out between us."

_ _

"What's not working?" He demanded. "As far as I can tell things are the same between us as they've ever been." I said nothing to that and if it were possible his face fell even further. "Oh."

I turned away from him towards the door. All had been said that needed to be said, anything further would just hurt Riley even more. 

"Buffy," he called after me, his voice filled with pain. "I love you."

"I know." I replied quietly and guiltily then walked out the door without looking back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**And if tomorrow bring you lonely days,**

**Here and now I know I haven't left in days.**

**And my tears in the rain and if love never comes again,**

**I can always say I've been to paradise and back in your arms.**

** **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angel hung up the phone with a heavy sigh. This was the last thing he needed right now, but of course he would go. Helping people was his duty and there was no way he was going to leave friends (well, former friends, he amended) in possibly life threatening danger. He simply had no choice in the matter he would have to go, despite the bad timing of the request for help. It made no difference how keen he was to avoid a certain person right at this moment or how awkward things were between them. Demons just didn't wait to terrorise a town until it was convenient for you to fight them. 

He stood with some reluctance and went to find Cordelia. She was sitting with her feet propped up on the kitchen table, painting her toenails. "That was Giles on the phone." He announced. 

"Oh, really?" Cordelia flashed him a dazzling grin then returned to her nails. "What did he want?"

"They're having problems with a particularly severe demon in Sunnydale and they want our help."

"What kind of demon?" She asked. "Can't Buffy handle it?"

"Apparently it's a bit too strong for Buffy to handle alone and," he paused briefly. "Giles was rather vague on the details. He says he'll explain more when I get there."

"Fine, when are you leaving?"

"As soon as I've called Wesley."

Cordy frowned. "Oh you're not gonna bother Wesley with this, are you? You should just go on your own. I think Wesley's away for the weekend, anyway."

Angel looked at her suspiciously. Why did he get the feeling he was missing something? "He never told me he was going anywhere."

"That's because he left a message with me to tell you and I forgot to pass it on." She smiled sheepishly. "Whoops!" 

Angel accepted Cordelia's explanation, after all it wouldn't be the first time she had neglected to tell him an important message. He still wasn't entirely sure he knew everything that was going on, though. For example, how had Giles known to call him at Cordelia's rather than at the old office? Well if there was something odd going on, he reasoned, the only way to find out about it would be to go to Sunnydale as requested. If he put the roof up on the convertible he could leave right away.

Several hours and one very long, irritating traffic jam later, it was dark and he was in Sunnydale. He knocked on the door of Giles' house and received a very curious reception. The ex-watcher seemed very nervous and flustered to see Angel and would elaborate no further upon the identity of the demon. Instead he insisted that the fiend in question was at this very moment loose in the university buildings that were empty over the summer break. He hurried Angel in the direction of the university, with a rather shy blonde girl Giles' introduced as Tara, Willow's 'friend', as a guide. The reason why a demon would break into an unpopulated building was yet another thing left unexplained.

Angel had no time to wonder over the details, however. Giles had informed him that Buffy had already gone after the demon and Angel was consumed with worry over his former lover. If this demon really was as strong as Giles led him to believe then Buffy was in real danger hunting it down alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God, I really didn't want to be here doing this. Not now, not tonight. I just wanted to curl up in bed at home with an appropriate sad movie and an entire tub of cookie-dough-fudge-mint-choc-chip ice cream. But, no, I was The Slayer and slayers weren't allowed to have free time, instead we had sacred duties and encounters with scaly demons that haunted university buildings. Ordinarily I would have just refused to do it, after all what harm can a demon do in an empty lecture hall? But Giles had been unusually urgent with this request and totally lacking in understanding that I had just split up with my boyfriend (not that that was really what was bothering me, it was just the excuse I gave Giles). I thought I'd trained him to be a sensitive watcher, but obviously not. 

I turned to Willow at my side in the darkened corridor. She'd insisted on coming along and I'd needed her magic to break in, anyway, but now she could go home. I didn't want to put her in any unnecessary danger. Before I could speak, however, she interrupted me with an offer to perform a demon locator spell. I knew this was one of the latest spells she had been working on with Tara and she liked having the chance to show it off, so I agreed. It would also save me some time wondering about in the dark looking for the demon. Maybe I could be out of here in time to pick up my ice cream before the supermarket shut. 

She drew a grid on the floor, scattered about a few spell ingredients and chanted something in Latin. There was a flash of light and a red glow appeared in the centre of her grid, just where our psych classroom would have been on a plan of the university campus. There, it appeared, was the location of the demon.

"I thought green glows were for demons and red was for vampires." I told Willow.

She grinned apologetically back. "Must have got the spell mix wrong."

"Doesn't matter," I shrugged. "Demons, vamps. I'm an all-purpose slayer."

We headed off towards the psych lecture hall and just as we were nearly there we ran into Tara. She had a stricken look on her face. She pointed inside the room.

"Th-the demon. It w-was just in there." She stuttered out. 

I rushed in the direction she indicated, my eyes scanning the room for movement. I spotted a figure over the far side of room, out of the corner of my eye. I spun round to face it, raising my stake to attack and was presented with a surprising sight. 

"Angel!"

I heard a bang behind me and whirled back around just in time to see the door slam. This was followed by the sound of a lock clicking and an outburst of giggles. Suddenly things were beginning to become horribly clear. There was still one explanation I needed, though.

I addressed Angel. "What are you doing here?"

He looked confused. "Giles called me. He said you were having problems with a demon and that you needed my help."

I was amazed, not only was it a blatant set-up, but Willow had managed to talk Giles into being involved as well. No wonder he had been acting so weird. She must have put a spell on him or something. Even though I was incensed with her I had to give my best friend points for effort. She must have gone to a lot of trouble to arrange tonight. But why? Did she still entertain some futile hope that Angel and I could work things out when clearly that was never going to happen? 

"What's going on?" Angel asked in a puzzled voice and I suddenly wondered how I was going do deal with his presence.

"I think we've been the victim of a not very funny practical joke." I said awkwardly and loudly enough for the two girls on the other side of the door to hear. 

"So, there's no demon?"

I shook my head. "Just two meddlesome witches."

He looked embarrassed and held up the rather large and vicious axe he was carrying. "Oh. I guess I won't be needing this then."

I felt my cheeks flame. How could Willow do this to me? I went over and banged on the door. "OK, you can let us out now!" I called.

"Not until you two have talked things through." Came Willow's reply.

"Will! Let me out now!" I demanded angrily. There was no reply, so I tried a more subtle approach. "You didn't think this plan through very well, you know. You don't think a master vampire and a very pissed off vampire slayer wouldn't be able to break out of a locked room, do you?"

"We sealed the exits off with magic, so it looks as though you're stuck in there."

I was going to _kill Willow the moment I got out of here. Either that or confiscate all her magic books. _

"Maybe we should just do as she says." Angel suggested quietly. "She seems to have planned this pretty well."

I turned round and looked at him guiltily. He shouldn't have to go through this, it was such a juvenile stunt to pull and I couldn't believe Willow was behind it all. I said as much to him and his smiled ruefully.

"I think Willow might have had help with this one." When I looked at him quizzically, he continued. "Cordelia. She was acting really strange before I left LA and she's been trying to get me to talk to you for ages."

That made sense, except the last part. Why would Cordy want Angel to talk to me? I knew Willow's agenda behind this, but not Cordelia's. I looked at Angel suspiciously. "Why is there something you needed to speak to me about?" I asked.

He hesitated for a moment, and a strange look crossed his face. So, there was something he was hiding from me! A sudden thought crossed my mind, maybe he wanted to tell be about our forgotten day. But then the thought disappeared almost as soon as it had come. Angel wanted to spare me the pain of remembering and that was not just something he'd chat about to me, no matter how many schemes Willow and Cordelia came up with. This had to be something different. "Well?" I demanded. "Are you going to tell me or not?"

He glanced over towards the door, behind which Willow and Tara were sure to be listening. I understood his hesitation and led him up to seats in the top of the lecture hall, where we would be out of the range of prying ears. Once seated Angel started to speak, all the while studying his hands intently. In fact, he made sure he looked everywhere but at me. 

"I, um, I didn't want to tell you this Buffy, because I was afraid of how it might come out." He began with difficulty. "Cordelia was pretty determined that I spoke to you about it, though, and it's probably something you're going to want to know."

"Just say it, Angel." I spoke softly and reached over to lightly touch his hand. I pulled away quickly, though, as the first physical contact we'd had in months sent a shiver of nervous excitement down my spine. From the look on his face I could tell Angel had experienced the same near electric shock as we touched, and if anything the atmosphere between us grew even tenser.

He looked up at me and flashed his bitter, little half smile that I knew meant he had something ironic to tell me. I held my breath in anticipation as he spoke. 

"I saw the Oracles a while ago and they…they told me that my soul was secured." He looked down again. "So, no more unscheduled visits from Angelus."

I felt all the blood drain from my face. Could this really be true? The clause in Angel's curse was really the only thing that kept me apart from him. All the other stuff, the fact that he didn't age or couldn't have kids or that we couldn't go out during the day together, none of that really bothered me. But the thought of Angelus, the fact that I could destroy the person I loved most just by being close to him – that frightened me and that was why I agreed to stay away from Angel. Now, though, that was no longer an issue.

"How long have you known?" I asked sharply.

He shrugged. "About a week."

"And you weren't going to tell me this?" 

"I didn't want to interfere with your life. You said you were starting to do pretty well for yourself now that I wasn't around anymore and I didn't want to mess that up for you." He glanced over at me, his eyes clouded with pain. "Besides, you have Riley now, you've moved on."

I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, feeling guilty and cursing my big mouth. If I hadn't been so keen to get one over on Angel, to hurt him by rubbing my new life in his face then he might have felt more able to talk to me about this. I opened my eyes again. It looked like I was going to have to have that difficult confrontation with Angel, after all.

"Riley's no longer an issue any more." I told him quietly. "I broke up with him."

"Oh." Angel said in reply. "When?" He asked hesitantly.

"Today." 

"I'm sorry." Angel risked a look at my expression, which I struggled to keep impassive.

"Don't be." I answered. "I'm not." There was a long silence between us. "Aren't you going to ask why?" I said.

Angel shook his head. "It's nothing to do with me."

I smiled slightly, how could anything be further from the truth? "That's where you're wrong, Angel. I broke up with Riley because I _remembered." I said significantly. _

He looked up at me sharply, his eyes searching mine for an indication that I meant what he thought I meant. I nodded briefly at him. "I remember." I repeated. 

"How?" He asked in a breathy whisper, which was quite a feat for someone who had no breath. 

"I don't know how." I replied honestly. "I just know that I started having these dreams of you and I together and then I woke up one morning and I realised they were real." 

He nodded, not daring to question what he didn't understand. "Are you mad?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah," I responded equally as quietly. I turned my head away, and covered my face with my hands. I didn't want to have to talk about this yet. The memories were still too fresh, too painful. Angel had had eight months to deal with this; I'd not even lived with it for a day. When I looked back again, my eyes were filled with tears. "Sure I'm mad at you." I told him angrily. "You promised me. You promised we'd make it work and then you backed out of that promise!" I was crying properly now.

He looked at me with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry. I had to do it."

"Why? So, you could keep on playing the big martyred hero?" I asked bitterly. 

"No." He took my hand. "I made a deal. My life for yours. It was an easy decision, really."

I looked down at my hand held in his and instantly forgave him everything. His words had touched my soul, but I wasn't quite ready to let him off the hook just yet. 

"But, you took it all away." I said, much more softly. "You took away the memory of my perfect moment." 

He drew me into his arms and I clung to him tightly. "There was no other way," he whispered into my hair. "I had no choice."

"I understand." I whispered through sobs in a moment that was instantly familiar. Only this time I really did understand. He pulled me tighter and buried his head in my shoulder. I realised something as Angel held me in his arms. This time there would be no turning back of the clock and there would be no letting go either. The memories of our day had been returned to me for a reason and I didn't intend to let that reason pass me by. 

I lifted my head up off Angel's chest and caressed my cheek with his hand. He reached up to touch my hand with his and I entwined our fingers together. I could feel my heart pounding madly in my chest. There was nobody else on earth who could make me feel this way. I shifted in Angel's arms to that my face was level with his then I leant forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. The same electricity as when we had touched hands jolted through my entire body. 

"Buffy…" He moaned softly. I silenced him with another kiss. 

"No." I said firmly. "No arguments and no objections. I'm sick of you making decisions for the both of us. This is my decision and I'm a big enough girl now to know it's the right one. I want this more than anything."

He looked down at me doubtfully. "But I still can't give you the things you deserve. You said that all you'd ever wanted to be was a normal girl falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. That was what made our day perfect. And I can't be that normal boyfriend for you Buffy." 

I smiled up at him sadly. "I was wrong. What made it perfect was that I was with you. Falling asleep in _your arms. That's what I want, not daylight, not children. I want __you." I paused then continued. "I'll never be a normal girl and as for having a normal boyfriend, well I've tried that now and it was anything but perfect. I love you."_

He leant down and kissed me, lightly at first then making it deeper and more passionate. My head spun at the intensity of the kiss and by the time we broke apart I was breathless. I had forgotten how good he was at this. Sixth months of dating Riley had made me forget how sensual a simple kiss could be; now it was going to be fun rediscovering it all. 

Angel broke out into a genuine smile, the likes of which were an extreme rarity for him. "I love you, too." He whispered to me. 

New tears ran down my cheeks and this time they were of happiness. "So, are we officially back together then?" I asked with a grin. 

Angel thought about it for a second then kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Yeah, I guess we are." 

Upon hearing that, I pulled away from him and rushed across the room. He watched me go with a confused look on his face, until he realised my intentions. I banged on the door. "Alright, Willow!" I called. "We made up! You can let us out now." There was no response. "Will? Tara?"

There was still no answer. I tried the door - it was still locked. "They must have decided we needed leaving alone for a while to sort things out." I said with a sigh.

Angel came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Well, I'm sure we can think of a few things to do to pass the time." He said, drawing me into a kiss. 

"Mmm." I moaned pleasurably. Maybe I wouldn't be killing Willow, after all. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Tell me you love me, the moment that you leave.**

**You're more than a shadow. I've got to believe.**

**I wish I could keep you all of my life, the way that I feel for you inside.**

**This is my moment. This is my perfect moment with you.**

**This is my moment. This is my perfect moment with you.**

**With you. **

** **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, are you satisfied, sister?" The male Oracle asked impatiently.

"My actions have had their desired effects, so yes I suppose I am rather pleased." The female Oracle replied with a small smile. 

"I don't know why you waste so much of your time and power on such _lower beings." The male commented derisively. _

"A warrior needs something to fight for, does he not?" She answered him. 

"We offered him something do fight for – his humanity."

"Ah, but that obviously means little to him. He gave it up readily enough the first time he had it." She countered the male Oracle's argument. "Do you not think that such a sacrifice deserves a reward?"

"We are not in the business of rewards and punishments, sister."

"No, we are in the business of keeping the balance between good and evil. And is not love the greatest form of goodness? Is it not our most potent weapon against the forces of evil?"

The male snorted. "Love! What do you know of love?"

The female smiled secretly to herself and raised a single eyebrow at her counterpart. "More than you realise, brother. Much more." She turned away and dematerialised in a flash of light, leaving the male standing angrily alone above Sunnydale, watching the passionate reunion of two star-crossed lovers. 

THE END

A/N ~ Hope you liked! I don't normally write pure fluff, I'm just too cynical by nature. So, tell me what you thought and whether I should make the effort again. And thank you for reading!


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